TOP 5 TIPS, TRICKS, WAYS TO OR REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD OR CAN SURVIVE A SIX-WEEK CHALLENGE

Ok, everything has been illuminated.

Social media and online news sources have reduced everything to a “top something” or “a number of tips, tricks, ways, reasons to do “X” or a “How to…” or the latest, per EL James: “50 Shades of…X”—the latter the most disturbing of all as I read puns like “50 Shades of Green” or “50 Shades of Success.” There is something wonky to me about conflating Disney-like erotica titles with trends in living a green lifestyle. Although Alicia Silverstone did just endorse an eco-friendly vibrator which made the New York Post last week. But that’s neither here nor there.

I am not sure how and when news sources became so numbers-oriented. So dictatorial. So self-help-like. So narrow in scope. Or why?

Or more so, why of late it is bugging the bejeezus out of me. Perhaps because there seems to be no rhyme or reason behind the number choices? Logic please. Or, perhaps because I was hired to write a blog post about the “Top 5 Funding Sources for Nonprofits” and well, frankly, eighteen million like-posts already existed. Which in turn, turned me off of the project—for any insight I could have or would have produced would simply have been regurgitated or repurposed.

Seriously though—

If you pay attention, it’s kind of crazy how many of these titles swim through our newsfeeds:

Top 4 Reasons Employees Quit

9 Slimming Best Dresses

15 Actors Who’ve Played Roles For Over 15 (Or More) Years

The 10 Largest Homes in America

10 Ted Talks About Being Creative

How to Create an Enchanting Platform

The 3 Most Effective Strategies for Driving Sales Through Social Media

3 Reasons Why Your Company Should Pay Employees To Use Social Media

6 Tips for Making Friends

5 Reasons Why A Coupon Is Not A Gift

5 Tech Shifts Changing Our World, Work, and Potential

4 Keys to A Successful Exist

The abovementioned are real articles (they came through today!) and for whatever reason, they have bombarded my eye sockets (and consciousness) so much so that I almost glossed over the best title of the day: “How Kale Took Over The World.” And, I do love me some kale. In an effort to understand this new mode of communication, I decided to apply it to my challenge. Please note, these are real experiences and real people are involved, so forgive me, if I embarrass you. Know this, I embarrass myself more.

TOP 5 TIPS, TRICKS, WAYS TO OR REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD OR CAN SURVIVE A SIX-WEEK CHALLENGE

1.     Eat Green Smoothies (At Least Two Hours Before You Train): Green smoothies are loaded with vegetables and fiber and give you a sensation of fullness. They are also gross in color (resembling snot and weird paint colors you mixed in elementary school)—which combined with circuits, think, a full belly, gross colors, burpy-like activity in the gym, well it makes for a worrisome time working out. I thought I was going to hurl. Or something.

2.     Surrender to the Clause “This is JUST for the challenge:” Look, I believe rice crackers and whole grain bread are healthy. Even peanut butter that has no sugar. In many cases I think these things are healthier than some that are on the recommended meal plan. But I don’t get any points for eating them. And yet, I would get points for eating ham with four eggs (which I don’t eat, and no it’s not because I am Jewish, I just don’t like ham). But I have to surrender. Surrender nonetheless. It’s just for the challenge.

3.     Text Pictures of Your Food to Your Girlfriends, The Good, Bad, and the Ugly: Spinach salads, half eaten apples, granola, and ice cream pics amuse us throughout the day, but also serve as a constant reminder that we are on some kind of challenge. I ate some weird wheat chips today (lost a point even if they were organic) and the empathy of my friends made it all somehow, laughable. Lose a point, gain a point. At least I have my girls.

4.     Accept That You May Have An Apple, Pear, Peach, Banana or Some In-Describable Body Type: It’s so strange to me that women have somehow learned to associate their bodies with a fruit. Who thought of that one? Which man J (Ah, the feminist in me). I was joking about it in the gym the other day and when asked: “well, what fruit are you,” I simply paused and said, “Well, are there any fruits that are top heavy.” A true, but somewhat dispiriting remark. I have accepted that I just might NOT be a fruit.

5.     Embrace the Burn: Our stomachs burn, our quads burn, our calves burn, and our brain burns (from all of the tracking!). If it weren’t for the burn, we probably wouldn’t feel like we were on any sort of challenge. But when the burn gets unbearable, stock up on the following: ice packs, probiotics, advil or something like that that kills pain, acidophilus, or an acid reducer, heating pads or heated water (like a bath). Be prepared. We are only a little over a week in. Listen, it is no coincidence that I am on the Challenge with my girlfriends who made me an “Advil” birthday cake when I turned 15. We are embracing the burn together. And sharing pills.